The Heretics Bible: John 8:1-11

Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. At dawn he went to the temple, where the people gathered around and he sat to teach them. The Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery and asked “This woman was caught in adultery. Moses commanded us to stone her. What do you say?” They asked this question as a trap.

But Jesus bent down and wrote on the ground. When they asked again, he stood up and said “Whoever is without sin can throw the first stone.” And he continued to write on the ground. At this, they went away until only the woman was left. Jesus asked her “Has no one condemned you?”

“No one,” she said

“Then neither do I condemn you,” said Jesus. “Now go and sin no more.”

“Forgive me, sir,” the woman said, “but why did you spare me and not the guy from the Old Testament who was executed for picking up sticks on the Sabbath? Surely my sin was greater.”

“Umm…” said Jesus.

“I mean, if you’re God, that means that you were the one who ordered him to be stoned to death.”

Jesus mumbled something about sovereignity.

"It's in Numbers 15:32-36." the woman said helpfully.  “I don’t mean to be ungrateful, I’m just trying to understand.”

“WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THAT!” Jesus said, pointing off in the distance.

And when the crowd turned, he fled.

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